Tuesday, June 28, 2011

It's so frickin' dark in my house.

The obvious solution is to turn on lights.  But I'm all ANXIOUS and FIDGETY right now and I'm more than a tiny bit afraid to get up, because I feel like I'll be stuffing food in my mouth if I do!!  Right now I'm "safe" here on the couch covered up in a blanket, tucked in with my laptop.

I used my therapist's trick of working backwards to figure out what's got me all a'twitter.  I didn't eat enough during the day (unconsciously trying to be "good" for reasons I'll talk about in a second) and was fucking ravenous when I got home.  So we opted for a frozen pizza, right at the intersection of tasty & fast.

And can I just rant for a bit about how much I don't like yogurt, but really want to?  GAH.  I keep buying the shit, thinking I'll eat it for a filling snack in the afternoon, and then I open up my cute little purple insulated lunch sack and stare in at my fancy lemon chobani and think "Meh" and instead eat a fucking roll of lifesavers?  REALLY???

The lifesavers were not in my cute little purple insulated lunch sack, mind you.  They were on the breakroom table. Free candy is not a battle I win often.

For the record, I'm writing my way thru this anxiety wave right now.  It will subside.  Or so they tell me.

So I have been unconciously trying to be good.  At least that is my deduction, based on my behaviors today.  I didn't eat enough today.  Then I got the big fat hunger binge.  We are running a weight-loss challenge at work.  And by WE, I mean ME.  PressurePressurePressurePressure.  Lots of negative talk about weight and appearance and stuff like that.  It's eating away at my brain!!  Like a god damned zombie.  So, my job = a zombie.  I knew it.

Oh, and my hubby just came upstairs and turned on a light for me.  This is why I love him.


  1. Aww- sorry you have the jitters. It sounds like you are working through it though. Hang in there. With the snack- maybe find a different healthy item that you are sure to like. There must be options other than yogurt. Heh- I do the same thing with tofu though!

  2. I did cottage cheese the next day and it was fabulous!! :D