Monday, July 25, 2011

Must be present to win

I just bought this necklace from Lulu Bug Jewelry on Etsy.

I love it.  It speaks to me.  I've really been failing at being present lately.  I was out searching the interwebs for ideas for my next tattoo, something that I can see that reminds me to STOP and be in the moment.  Be present.  To win.  While this is only a necklace, it makes me all happy on the inside.  I'm still in search of my tattoo, but this will hold me over for a bit until I settle on the right thing.

I'm relieved to be seeing my therapist again on Wednesday.  I'm IN NEED.  In need of refocusing, refreshing, maybe some confessing, definitely some reflection, and some evaluation.  I look forward to the feeling I get when I leave there, of hope, of lightness, and of being ok.

I've been struggling, without a doubt.  I'm eating too much, too often, and making unstellar choices.  I'm tracking my food intake again, simply because I'm eating too much.  Not a ton of binge eating, although it has not been completely absent.  But mindless eating.  Not present eating.  Awareness is helpful to me, and tracking can kind of help me with that.  As I've been tracking the last few days, I've realized how I let the days get away from me, food wise.  And there is a part of each day that I can identify as a part that was eating for a reason other than hunger:  boredom, anxiety, procrastination, sadness, nervousness, and frustration.  The log is actually helpful in identifying some of this after the fact.

How should I be wrapping up blog posts?  I always feel like they stop abruptly!  I need to work on this!

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